Is Perfectionism Holding You Back?

Inside: Do you struggle with feeling like you have to be perfect? Is perfectionism holding you back? Read on to find out.

One of my earliest memories from school is learning to print the alphabet. I was so careful to make the letters just so–perfect straight lines, perfect curves. I held myself to such high standards that I ripped holes on the lined sheets of my tablet paper from erasing what I deemed to be mistakes. Mine didn’t look like the examples posted high on the front wall in the classroom.

No one caused this tendency in me. It was something hardwired. When I grew up I often heard from adults, “Just do your best.” Good advice, to be sure. But somehow that message of trying my best got lost in the shadow of doing everything perfectly.

Can you relate?

But for the longest time–we’re talking decades–I’ve been held back by this drive to do tasks flawlessly. I set the bar way too high for myself, and it has taken time and grace to let go. Along the way I’ve learned a few things. (I’m still learning!)

Perfectionism . . .

Steals Your Creativity–and Joy

I have found, particularly when writing, if I’m so centered on being perfect in the rough draft stage, it keeps me from experimenting with new ideas or exploring other thoughts. In turn, that limits and even frustrates my creativity. Now, to be honest, I edit for a living, so I don’t have a great deal of patience with sloppy grammar and punctuation. But I’m learning to work on correcting those errors in the revision process, not when I write initially. It has taken me a while, but I have rediscovered the joy of creating through my writing instead of viewing it as a task.

Puts Impossible Expectations on Others

Another problem with perfectionism is that we often put those same standards on others who are just not wired like we are. Unfortunately I’ve held my loved ones to these standards far too often when that isn’t how God made them. For example, some people are doers, and they have a drive to complete project after project to the point of “good enough.” They often don’t see the little details, or, if they do, they make the choice to sacrifice a little in quality to get the job done. Without these types of people, so many things would simply not get done. I’ve come to appreciate this as I’ve gotten older.

Promotes Procrastination

I will often put off starting a project because I’ve placed such high demands on myself that I’m afraid I can’t meet them. So it’s much easier to keep avoiding the project than to tackle it head on and do my best. Case in point, this post has been sitting in my drafts for over a month now.

Turns You into a Demanding Critic

Similar to placing impossible expectations on others, perfectionism can make those of us who struggle with it demanding critics. We use our words to tear people down because they’re not performing to our standards. This is not okay. While there is a time and place for constructive criticism, being helpful should never make a person feel demoralized.

Keeps You from Finishing

I can’t tell you how many projects have been tossed to the side because my perfectionist tendencies have held me back and kept me from finishing. That’s where the doers among us have the advantage. They forge ahead and get things done. While we need to be true to who we are and the fact that we often see the little details, we need to finish what we start. Remain on task until completion.

How to Manage a Perfectionist Tendency

Be Patient

It takes a while to dismantle a lifetime of behavior. Start with simple things where being perfect really doesn’t matter–cleaning the bathroom mirror or sweeping the floor. Ask yourself, in which situations is “good enough” good enough?After a while, you start to see how many items on your list really don’t require maximum effort.

Focus on Progress, Not Perfection

Admittedly, when I found out my word for the year was consistent, I envisioned a strict schedule of doing my daily tasks flawlessly–meaning never missing a day. Realistically, I knew this was impossible. But to me, consistent meant producing the same results without missing a day. That discouraged me until I found a scripture that talked of “striving” to be consistent. That set me free. Okay, I thought, I can do that. I can strive to be consistent.

It has also helped to ask the question, “What is the end goal?” So when I made fitness goals for myself and flubbed up, after my initial disappointment of not being perfect, I asked myself, what is my end goal? Is it to be perfect and not miss a day or is it to get physically fit? Naturally it is to get fit. This little question has helped me tremendously.

Remember, God Does Not Expect Perfection

For some of us, I think perfectionism points to self-esteem issues. If I do not perform perfectly, why would anyone like me? I find it interesting how many times the Creator of the Universe reminds me that He does not expect me to be perfect, so why do I expect it of myself? If we could do things perfectly, we wouldn’t need a Savior. And we definitely need a Savior! This, too, has been quite freeing to me and has given me peace and perspective.

Embrace the Messy

I have only scratched the surface here! But the truth is, the longer I go, the more I see that where real life happens it is often messy. Embracing this attitude–or I should say attempting to embrace this attitude–is making a difference. I can relax more and not feel as though I have to control everything. I can be who I really am, and, at times, that can be pretty messy, too. I don’t need to abandon structure in my life, but I don’t need to fall apart when life doesn’t go as planned. As I’ve looked back over my life, truly the parts that have blessed me the most have been totally unplanned–the family I was born into, meeting my husband, having my daughter, making good friendships. At least they weren’t planned by me.

But the One who has planned my life has done a pretty good job. And He is perfect.

Do you struggle with perfectionism? Tell us about it in the comments.

Related posts:

Finding my Pace: Slowing Down to Enjoy Life

The Useful Art of Daydreaming

The Gifts of an Introvert

My Noisy Clock